Oh, how I love afternoons when the sun comes out, Hazel has an extra long nap and I get some one-on-one time with my girl Mill. It is so hard to believe that she is 5 months old already! It actually blows my mind a little bit. This girl is a dream baby. Mothering the second time around has been such a different experience. I find I'm a lot more present and just content with where Millie is in her development, I'm not in any rush for her to learn the next thing or get moving. I think I just realized how fast it all really goes by and the long nights and sometimes longer days quickly become a thing of the past. I'm really trying to soak it all up with both my girls. They are such a gift, and I'm not sure what's really changed lately but I've just become so content with our routine days, and am completely savouring them.
Something I'm loving is Hazel lately wants her stroller seat turned so she's facing me, and we just chat. I love it, the little conversations we have as we stroll around our neighbourhood doing our post office drop-offs, grocery shopping, bing bong visits (clock tower..she's oddly obsessed, if you have seen my IG stories you know). I feel like something has just clicked with having two and I've found our rhythm. For months I was honestly terrified to go much further than a 15-minute walk from home with the two of them, surely Hazel would throw a tantrum and I'd break down and them Millie would, and who knows what could happen! haha, maybe a bit irrational? I'm definitely over it now and we're enjoying these winter days bundling up and going on some fun adventures, mostly visiting coffee shops and bing bongs around town ;)
Lindsay and I just started working out of a little space that we found which is about a 10-minute walk for each of us to get to. We are using it to make our Pink House products! It's amazing having a studio in our same neighbourhood. I'm eager to get working more, and it's so good having somewhere outside of home again to work from. It's hard (for me) as a working mother to separate my work from home life, but I function a lot better when I can just go get a bunch of work done and then be home without it all lingering in the back of my mind. It makes it a lot easier to stay present and just be with my girls! There's always something that has to be done but it's just so important to not think about the big to-do list and just lay on the floor and listen to Hazel's stories or dance to the entire Trolls soundtrack (for the millionth time) without checking emails or looking at my phone. If I'm being honest, it's hard! I've definitely struggled with being present, it's gross how instinctively I go grab my phone and start scrolling instead of choosing to just enjoy connecting with what's right in front of me. I don't want her to think of me as always having a phone in my hand when she remembers her childhood! I've been putting it aside a lot more often and just being present and it's just so good.
I've been thinking about Motherhood a lot lately, and how grateful I am. Yes, it's completely exhausting and freaking hard. Some days Dan comes home and we're all just crying for who knows what reason. But goodness is it fulfilling. I lost my mom when Hazel was 2 months old. My mom went through hell, and I know she did so many of the cancer treatments she did so that she could meet Hazel. Ugh, just makes me cry thinking about how much pain she was in, and sometimes I still can't believe she isn't here. God's timing is just so perfect though. Hazel was the brightest light that my whole family needed amidst the pain and loss of my mom. That's just something I'll never forget. Becoming a mom, and losing my mom all wrapped up so close together somehow made it just that much more beautiful and easy to step into this new role of motherhood. Losing my mom was my biggest fear, worst nightmare, but somehow we're ok. Grief is weird, it's messy, it shows up when you don't want it to when you don't expect it to. Becoming a mom has been the greatest gift. Watching these girls grow, seeing who they become is just the best thing ever.
If you're struggling as a mom and in the depths of sleep deprivation, a colicky baby or just can't remember a life that doesn't involve you being covered in puke and poop, just remember this season is so short in the scheme of things. You will miss these days not long from now (at least that's what I hear ;)) I tell myself this when it feels impossible and I feel like I can't do it anymore. Just take a step back and savour these little humans who are in such great need of you. There are some super encouraging and honest posts over on Homesong Blog, I love Amanda's writing and perspective. Just remember you're far from alone, as lonely as motherhood can feel sometimes <3
These adorable bloomers are from D is for Darling, I can't get over how cute and soft they are!